DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter, Keira, was to be married last month. Due to COVID-19, we postponed the wedding until fall. We have sent save-the-date and save-the-new-date cards to 175 guests.
After the June postponement, our daughter and her fiance decided they didn’t want to wait to be married, so we held a small ceremony in our backyard with parents, siblings and our pastor — 10 people in attendance. No one besides the 10 of us knows about the marriage.
It does not look like the fall wedding and reception we have envisioned will happen, either. Our church will currently only allow 10 people at a wedding, so it would be the same group as the small ceremony, with no attendants (who have already purchased dresses). It’s very important to Keira and her father to have their “walking down the aisle” moment, as well as to have a reception with friends and family present, preferably without social distancing.
The twist: Keira and her husband are both in their mid-30s and would like to start a family right away. So if the wedding is postponed again — until, let’s say, next summer — she could be a pregnant bride.
Should we tell friends and family now that she’s married? And if so, how should we notify them? Is it tacky to have a wedding during pregnancy, or after having a baby?
GENTLE READER: Your daughter is married. No one, no matter how strait-laced, could possibly be upset about her having a baby. Nor about her having a delayed reception when social distancing is no longer required.
But Miss Manners is upset — that you, and many others, believe that a wedding is a party that can be divorced from the act of getting married.
And the well-wishers will be upset if they find that you have lied to them about the marriage. So yes — tell them, whether formally, with an announcement, or informally.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I own and operate a successful RV park in the Midwest. We have spent eight years keeping our park spotless and well maintained. We are friendly with our customers, and help them any way we can while they are staying with us. As a result, we have hundreds of perfect reviews on dozens of sites.
People constantly tell us what great reviews we have, and I never know how to respond. To say “thank you” feels wrong because I would be thanking them for something someone else wrote. Am I overthinking this, and “thank you” is the correct response? Or is there something else I could say?
GENTLE READER: It is not good to parse a compliment. You only seem to be challenging your admirers to flatter you even more.
In this case, they mean to congratulate you on inspiring, and presumably deserving, such good reviews. But not wanting to discourage modesty, Miss Manners suggests your saying, “We are thrilled that people seem to be happy here. We certainly try our best.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is putting your feet on a table acceptable?
GENTLE READER: Only if it is an operating table, but then, not if you are the surgeon.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.